Broken...

Well my stereo in my car is broken, well inaccessable...long story or one I don't want to put myself through telling again.

But, one good thing that has come out of it is going through the archives of my ancient CD collection. There is this one sond by "The Bravery" that gives me a lot of laughs. I downloaded them to my phone and I get to laugh and rock out and no one knows what the hell is going on. My favorite lyric in "Public Service Announcement" is

"I'm stingy with words
All binge, no purge
you put the broke in broken hearted
you put the art in retarted"

I LOVE IT! and luckily since I have to listen to it over and over again it doesn't ever get old

Bifidus Regularis

I like saying it, how 'bout you? I like to say it when I don't know what I'm talking about...

co-worker: man the ragweed must be high because I got a kickin' headache
intelligent me: actually, you probably have a imbalance of bifidus regularis
co-worker: yeah, you are probably right
intelligent me says to myself: he, he, he. co-worker just said bifidus regularis.

or

co-worker: man, i just live life day to day, you know hakuna matata
intelligent me: exactly, bifidus regularis dude!

My new hair do...

except, a black crow, rather than a white hawk. Not a mistake, I actually took this picture in and ask for this look.

Irresistable Force

Some things I have managed to move on from and do ok, and then all in a matter of days, it is all I think about and want. I can't escape. There are songs that remind me of it, there are movies, commercials, people, little notifications that pop up everywhere. I should remove these things to ward off the temptation, but alas it is all I have left and getting rid of those things will be like losing it all over again. And it really can't be controled. I have no control over it. It creeps into my thoughts, it comes into my dreams, and it lurks everywhere.

Why are the things that are bad for you, or you think or told are bad for you, so so so very good? I keep hoping that these urges pass, but I just have no self control sometimes. Talking about not having control, just makes me want it more, admiting wanting it, makes me want it more. I thought denial was a bad place, but now I know that admiting cravings is not any better. It make me feel vulnerable and that makes me want to succumb to my vices even more. My id is out of control. I want to be bad...and I will pay.